"Beauty and the Bee"

         

 

In order for the world to be
a more beautiful place......
We must remember to replenish.
Even the tiniest bee
works hard to procure
the next generation
of the beauty that surrounds us.

kmh 2005

Cuz, it matters to me

Trying to live my life to the best of my ability often has me reevaluating everything past and present. So here I sit today at 42, wondering what really matters to me. What are the few things that have my head and my heart at the same time. When I look around me, I see many things that are nice to have and bring a bit of joy to my life, but if they were suddenly taken away from me, would that devastate me?

Death is inevitable, but when it comes before we are expecting it through an illness, we feel robbed..... robbed of time..... robbed of life experience..... robbed of fairness...... imminent death has a way of putting things in perspective. Things we thought meant everything to us, now just fall by the way side. We care not of the things we found grand in life, fancy homes, fancy cars and finer things, we care about the small things. The hand drawn cards and clay ash trays made from the small hands of our children, the sentiment, the REAL sentiment of a wedding ring, moments in time forever immortalized through the art of photography and video.

So many things we loose over time........ memories, sights and sounds of our own childhood, but sometimes it comes back when we least expect it to, like the far off sound of the Ice Cream truck can bring us back to our past. I remember a commercial from a few years ago, it had to do with domestic violence and it showed a small child hidden in the darkness of a stair case, listening and possibly watching what was taking place below and instantly I was taken back to my own childhood, That was me at the top of the stairs listening to what my Mother was going through, I remember always having run to the bathroom to urinate several times in the matter of minutes while all this was taking place, the fear.... was that strong, and as I sat there trapped in my past watching that commercial I felt the need to run to the bathroom, just as I did as a small child. If we want things to change then we have to become part of the change. I made sure my children grew up in a house that was safe of addictions and domestic violence....it was my childhood and I didn't want it to be a part of theirs. I married a good man who knew that true love never hurts.

In the end the circle of life continues and what matters in the end is how you loved and how you were loved back. In my lifetime I have known only a few of the 2 generations of my family that came before me (parents and grandparents) and if I am lucky I will have the continuous pleasure of knowing my own children and possibly know my future grandchildren.......with the hope that I might even know a great-grandchild or two.....the generations of my family after that will not know me and I will just be an old photograph but I know my job now is to leave this place a better place than I found it.

I am trying to slow my life down enough to relish what means the most to me now....My Husband Jim and my Children and enjoy the many small and large things around my world.......the sentiments of my wedding ring, butterflies, rainbows, the warm smile from a stranger, the sound of laughter, the company of good friends, the keeper of the family stories, music that transports me to my past and then safely returns me to the present, a warm and windy night, belly laughs, the ability to discover myself over and over again and like what I see.......these are but a few things that matter to me.

"Black Eyed Susan"

"The Meadow"

Don't go there! lol lol lol

I recently did an entry on this "One Word" thing that had been going around the board and the other journals that I read. It reminded me of a few weeks ago while sitting on the beach at the lake with not only my sister and my sister-in-law but several of our girlfriends, some new to the Ya-Ya Sisterhood of friends. Some had been drinking and some had not and one of them came up with a topic to discuss......."What was the first impression you had about me and what is it now?"

I sat back quietly and thought this can't be a good thing, a bunch of women sitting around and telling other women what they really thought/think about her. My lack of participation went unnoticed because there was no way I was going to open that can of worms, each woman was saying I want the truth, no matter what it is and I am a firm believer that the 'truth' is not always a good thing, I'm more of a "I like you in spite of what my interpretation of the truth is about you" kinda person.

Even the person with the kindest heart can have another side to them that I do not agree with, that is what makes each of us unique. And I think when you like someone and I mean really like someone, you can still not like some part of their personality and still be OK with that. You know what I'm talking about right? The Good, The Bad and the Ugly..... just don't ask me to comment on the ugly! lol

The Good I have no problem sharing with you, the Bad can be said tactfully and without malice to anybody but who really wants to point out one's Ugly or have their own Ugly pointed out to them! LOL When my lack of participation finally was noticed, by the Grace Of God my cell phone rang and it was a call that I needed to take, it was one of my older daughters! Talk about saved by the bell! LOL By the time I came back from taking my call the discussion had turned to something else.......whewwwwwww!

The rule of "ONE WORD" was less dangerous to me, arguments can't be made with one word, so I think if that topic every comes up again I am going to try to steer it to the 'One Word' rule! LOL With each of these women I have unconditional love for them that means all of them, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly..but like I said.........Don't make me name the Ugly! LOL And I have no desire to know what my own Ugly is anyway, the Good of course! The bad of course too otherwise how am I too grow as a person but Ugly? No Way! AndI am hoping that I have already exorcised (as in the exorcist) my Ugly a long time ago.........that is what therapy was for right??? LOL LOL LOL

I'm melting.....I'm melting

I attended a wedding of a friends son this past Friday night, it was an interesting wedding. The Son had flown his then soon to be fiance to Paris to ask her for her hand in marriage, he asked for her hand while taking in the view from on top the Eiffel Tower.....She said yes and they quickly set the date. Pretty hard not to be impressed with that proposal huh?

For their center pieces on each of the tables, they had a 12 inch wire replica of the Eiffel Tower placed on a square piece of mirror (sprinkled with rose pedals) with votive candles as table gifts with their names and wedding date etched on the glass......adorable! I know! The seating cards were of guests names with the name of a popular French tourist location instead of table number....loved that idea too! Then on each of the tables, was a black and white framed picture of them taken together at the location assigned to each table card....just love that idea too! Then instead of the traditional white guest book with the white feather pen, they had a 5 X 7 glossy black and white photo of them taken in front of the tower, matted into a very large black frame were each of the guest hand wrote their best wishes right onto the mat.......another fabulous idea! The card box was a leather mail case with air mail written in French, another nice touch and nice memento for them later. Event The wedding cake was done in the fashion of the Eiffel Tower (yummy too) lol

I just loved that they incorporated their romantic proposal into their wedding reception and the gardens around the place that they booked their reception was just beautiful, with reflection ponds, cascading water, brick pavements and flowers everywhere.........where they seemed to have lost their theme was the room that the reception actually was held in, it looked like a very large renovated loft kinda garage without any AIR CONDITIONING! Just floor to ceiling garage doors on two sides of the room with a bar on another and a loft up above.....lets not forget the indoor basket ball hoop hanging from above! Hello........It's June in Chicago....with temperatures reaching 96 degrees that day and a heat index of even higher I'm sure. It was actually more comfortable outside at least there was a slight breeze. The least they could of done was to let guests know this ahead of time......maybe a discreet mention of it noted in the invitation which was gorgeous by the way too.......and they didn't include directions to this place either, another faux pas (pardon my French! lol) in my book.......now with all these French themes you think they would of chosen a French Cuisine dinner menu.......nope it was southern BBQ buffet style (although very good)..........I love the idea of a theme wedding, but if your going to go that route....finish it to the end and for the love of Pete at least choose a place with air conditioning! By the end of the night (early) I was reduced to a puddle and could hardly breath the hot humid air anymore.....it's not good for people with health conditions such as mine (heart) it wasn't healthy for healthy people to breath in either anymore.

I very rarely rant........but I'm still feeling the effects of the heat that night. I would of never lasted in any other place in time if it didn't have air conditioning! I could just kiss the inventor of that fabulous idea! lol lol lol

Haviland Carrier(American) invented air conditioning in 1902.......Muahhh Haviland Muahhh!

Playing catch up

Last few days went by with me running at warp speed........I hate stress but seem to thrive on chaos and when things go too smoothly I always seem to expect Murphy's Law to come along and bust me!

Rachel had her last scheduled singing appearance on Thursday night, She sang the National Anthem for a summer concert series in another town, and then she was asked to perform another song and she did wonderfully. We ran into the Publisher of the suburban newspapers around Chicago and he was happy to have been able see her perform again. (He was in the show with her this past April and really was impressed with her) He had his Mother visiting from the Quad Cities and wanted to know if Rachel had made her CD yet, and due to a sinus infection in April, cauterization of bleeders in her nose in June and another battle with allergies and a sinus infection we have had to put her CD on hold. The good news is he gave me his business card and wants to publisher her when the CD is finished! Not a bad connection huh?

Now on to Amanda, When I went to pick up Rachel's latest prescription Amanda's birth control patch was ready to be picked up too......now looking at the bigger picture is even though I am upset with her current situation I do not want to run the risk of an unexpected pregnancy for her, so I picked it up for her and called her to tell her I had it and asked where she would like me to drop it off. She didn't sound well......when I pulled up to meet her I could tell she was sick...........now she has upset me and disappointed me with her slow to grow up attitude but I can not let my baby be out on the street when she is sick.......putting our problems to the side I got her medical help, she has a respiratory infection and in this 95 + degree weather the last thing she needed was to be homeless.......She is home temporarily until she is well enough to continue her lesson on fending for herself. I am still flying by the seat of my pants on this one but as with all parenting, you never know if you are doing the right thing or not, until they are grown and on their own and you can actually witness how your parenting skills are being put to use with them as adults.

Funny how when your 20 something and contemplating starting a family or not, the issues you look at are you loss of personal freedom, child care options, possible sleep deprivation and all the wonderful Pink and blue thoughts that go with it, but I for one NEVER fast forwarded to the teen years! If I would of reflected for just a few moments on the ugliest of my teenage years and what I put my own parents through I just might have stuck to my original plans of PUPPIES....NO KIDS! lol

I just have to stick to my daily mantra......"My grandchildren will not only be my reward but also my revenge!" I find total peace in knowing that!

PS - Went to a wedding last night,but I'll save that for another entry!

Until next time!