this too shall pass.....Ü

Well, one thing is for sure......chemo is different every time! This time I didn't loose my voice, it's a little weak but still there! I tried to get through yesterday without taking any drugs for the side effects of chemo but I needed to take something by early afternoon.....I hate feeling nauseous! My mornings always start out with me feeling soooo good then next thing you know I feel awful.... so if I don't post for a few days, I'm just going through my bad days. (hopefully this will be the last of them now that I am done with the first half of my chemo)

I'll be back when this stage passes.......enjoy your weekend!

2006 VIVI AWARD WINNERS

First of all......I would like to thank Jackie and Chris for all their heartfelt work and dedication on the  2006 VIVI AWARD JOURNAL  Bravo Girls Job well done!!!!

Second I would like to congratulate all the nominees and the winners! A lot of blood, sweat and tears get poured into some of these journals.....So KUDO'S to you all!!! Winners can be found by clicking on this link....   2006 VIVI AWARD JOURNAL

And now for me.....lol I never knew my journal was going to become so serious, but then again I had no idea it was going to become a great way for me to cope with my diagnosis of Breast Cancer back in July of this year and I hope by me sharing my journey with BC I can help ease some of the fear when the next person is diagnosed and I hope to some day Happy Dance the night away when there is finally a cure! I want to thank everyone who nominated my blog, for voting for my blog and for every donation made in my Honor for Breast Cancer research... I have never felt so overwhelmed with love and care from people I may never get to meet in person but who have found a way to live in my heart and I thank you........so very, very much!

Best Attitude Winner........I always try to with everything life throws my way......so thank you very much for this!

Best Inspirational......you never stand taller than you do when you are holding someone else up and many, many times you have lifted me and I thank you! I just wanted inspire others to do the same.

Love,
Kimberleigh

Half way done, reflections and another full circle

I had my fourth and final A/C part of my chemo treatment yesterday......I was a lil more tired during and the rest of the day and night with this one, but like I have said before, "How hard is napping? Right?? lol Dr. Serious (Oncologist) and I had a brief chat about what changes will occur when I start the Taxol....for one I will stop the Emend (anti nausea) the day of chemo and the following 2 days after that....I also won't have to take Zofran anymore with the Taxol (this is the one that I had complications with the last round of chemo. I will be taking A steroid the night before my first Taxol and the morning of because some people have an allergic reaction to the Taxol and the steroids will help with the reaction if I have one. I will still need the shot the next day of Neulasta (white and red blood cell builder shot) My red blood cell count was a lil lower than before but nothing to worry about right now (anemia) And I won't have to be on any antibiotics with the Taxol either (cutting my med intake in half YAHOOOO!). Just one more bad week with this last dose of A/C and my down days will be few and far between!!! Again EVERYONE HAPPY DANCE WITH ME! lol

I am having a real difficult time as well as many of my other family members convincing a few of them that I am not dying from this, my Brother being the most difficult to convince. I think a lot of it has to do with all the remorse that has built up in him since the end of our childhoods and about the way he treated me during my childhood. Being raised with an alcoholic abusive Father was never easy and was even harder on my oldest sibling my Brother, for my Brother took the brunt of my father's wrath more so than my Sister and I and in turn, he took it out on us, especially me.....I never could hold my tongue! Big Surprise on that huh? lol My Brother was in so much pain growing up that the only way for him to let some of that escape was if he took it out on my Sister and I and let's just say my beatings were viscous....and there was always a threat afterwards of if I told....I finally held my ground my 16 year....he was warned by me that if he ever laid a hand on me again, I would have him arrested and that was the end of that.....I couldn't even like, and sometimes hated (but always loved) my Brother until my 30's and then I was able to forgive him.........he has never been able to forgive himself and that is why he his having such a hard time dealing withmy cancer.

In a way this Cancer has brought a few things full circle for me in many ways and how can I not be grateful for that?

Busy but happy weekend......Ü

I had only a couple of good days this round due to some complications and side effects of the some of the drugs that I have to take to counter react against the side effects of the chemo! lol Kind of a vicious cycle but Saturday and Sunday I felt like the ole Kim and today is going to be a good day too! (tomorrow is chemo again, last bad dose and also my half way done mark) I can't tell you how happy I feel being able to say that......actually JOYOUS!!!! lol
EVERYBODY HAPPY DANCE WITH ME!!!!!

My In-Laws have been in town since last Wednesday and I am forever grateful to my Daughter Melissa and SIL for putting them up at their place since I was in the throws of my bad week last week. My FIL's last Brother passed away and even though the news of that was sad, it did a world of good for my In-Laws to see me looking and feeling well at the wake Saturday...I wasn't sure if I was going to make it after how bad I had felt, but I was blessed with my good days. Now my MIL and FIL won't break into tears every time someone mentions my name. It took this woman 20 years and I had to get BC for her to bond with me? Strange but true! lol lol lol Now I am the GOLDEN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW! lmaoooooo

We had a full house yesterday for DA BEARS game and it felt good to  have my home full and noisy once again. It will be soooooo good to put this chapter of my life behind me then I can go back to being the social butterfly that I was born to be! lol In my late 20's early 30's we were the "Entertaining King and Queen" with our family and friends.....big house, big lot and big swimming pool with party deck included. Then I got smart and a little tired of all the work that entailed....so we don't entertain at our house much, but between being on everyone else's party list and all the time we spend out at the lake together I still get to be the social butterfly but don't have all the mess to clean up afterwards at my house anymore! lol told ya SMART! lmaoooooo We haven't even opened our pool for the last 4 years! lol I'm done being the Kool-Aid Mom and that is a really good feeling too! lol

I think every Mother at this stage in her life looks back at her grown and almost grown babies and wonders how the hell we did it??? Ok, I must confess something here....2 years of therapy (cleaning up some childhood issues) and 2 years of Prozac (I think this had to do more with having 4 young kids of my own plus cool and kool-aidmom to many more) helped me BIG TIME lol back in the mid 90's! lol lol lol

So when Chemo, Cancer and my final surgery is all said and done, I hope to be looking back at this time say....10 years from now and wonder where I got the strength and perseverance to go through this and then pray that the next say....40 years is a PIECE OF CAKE! lol lol lol

VIVI Awards

The VIVA Awards for journaling is open for voting (until nov/6th I think).........

I was nominated (yipeee! Ü) in 3 categories......drum roll please!!!!!!

Best Attitude.....My Momma would have to differ during my teen years! lol

Most Inspirational.....My Momma would be happy I am using my powers for good instead of evil......again referring back to my teen years! lol

And Most Emotional....I think my Momma would of said I had lots of practice being emotional.......again the teen years!

So in the words of Sally Field.....if you really, really like me or another of my fellow nominees in my category and the others...........go show some love if ya get a chance!

I'm ready for my close up Mr. Deville! lmaooooooooo!

Main Page @ viviawards.bravehost.com - A Bravenet.com Hosted Site 

Ok, I will be spending the rest of my day......gettin' ova' myself! lol lol lol Ü

Paying It Forward

There is a wonderful person here in J-land that has put together a journal called THE GIVING TREE....what this blog is all about is people helping people. At this blog you will find people who are in need of clothing and other things and people who have enough to give.

I believe in the PAY IT FORWARD theory.......when someone does something to enrich your life or make a tough situation easier to bare, (which I am going through with cancer) a little bit easier, a little bit kinder, you in turn should pass that good will on to others when and if you are able to.

There are wonderful people in J-Land that took time to let me know they were thinking of me and my family during my battle with Breast Cancer and every good thought, prayer, karma whatever you choose to send me has warmed my heart and kept me afloat through some pretty rough days and my eyes fill with tears every time I let that kinda love wash over me.

So it's time I PAY IT FORWARD in your name, the ones who keep me afloat and on my good days I will be getting packages ready to send on to others out in J-Land that could use a little extra kindness sent there way.

I just want you all to know how much I appreciate every kind word or gesture and when I am strong enough, I will be another link in the chain that remembers to be grateful for the smallest of things and when I can, try make someone else's burden a little lighter to carry.

If you are in need or have things to donate please visit this journal and see if somehow you can be of help.....some requests are just for a warm winter coat, many are for children's clothing. Put it on your alerts.....you might have something that you no longer need and someone might just be looking for it. :)

Here is the link........it will explain it much better than I ever could.

The Giving Tree

So cancer..this all you got?

OK, I'm coming back from my few days of hell.....not so much that I feel sick, more like I hate feeling so weak...Chemo takes a lot out of me, but in the end I take back what it has taken from me. What a grand day that will be when they find a better way to deal with Cancer than chemo...but if I intend on sticking around and finish raising the last two of my children remaining at home...I will finish the chemo, do the hormone therapy afterwards and know I have literally been to hell and back..it's a good thing I'm soooo stubborn huh?? lol

Four months into my "Extreme Cancer Makeover" I have learned many things....my hair and my breasts do not matter to me as much as I thought they would, they do not define me as "Woman" and I have come to discover that I was much cuter as a bald baby then I am as a bald women..thank you eye lashes and eye brows for sticking around a lil while longer....at least I can run my fingers through those instead of my hair huh?? lol I can't tell you how much money I am saving by not having to buy hair products and razors.. and the only thing I am 'curling' right now are my eye lashes! lol

One more round of the "bad chemo"......next Tuesday..... then on to 4 rounds of the Taxol, but after reading up on Taxol the side effects seem to be exactly the same...at least I will be half way done with treatment. I will get some peace knowing that....and that tomorrow will be even better than today as I am on the incline of my good week.

Cancer.... you have taken only a brief moment of my life but I have learned many things about myself because of you....I'm going to be a survivor and I will light the way of many other survivors as those before me have lit my way. We are only as strong as our weakest link and I have yet to meet anyone who could or would walk away from life so easy....

Life is good and I am blessed!