!st week of August in rewind.........Oye Vey! LOL

My Week in rewind.......

Monday is a blur already to me.........I think it was spent telling everybody that I have cancer and that we will all be ok!

Tuesday I met with Dr. McDreamy the surgeon who will remove my left breast very soon (as it sits right now I have 2 major tumors, 1 minor tumors and about 4 or 5 smaller tumors all packed into my left breast) I now know that I have grade 3 breast cancer HIGHLY AGGRESSIVE, I knew that already because they came out of nowhere fast and furious, much like the taxi drivers in Jamaica last month! lol ( I went by myself for this. I drove there and home by myself for this I'll explain at the end of the entry as to why)

Wednesday I met with McDreamy again and had a mammotome biopsy, painless and as usual I talked right through it.....believe it or not McDreamy, Nurse Kathy and I had a fun time! lol He patched me up and I again drove myself home......I wanted to do this alone too!

Thursday I took off my lovely ace bandage and saw what looked like an over thumped melon....bruised, battered and bloody, not to mention my skin is so delicate......nice word delicate, that's about the only thing delicate about me! lol Ok Maybe my hands are still considered delicate! lol But Thursday night my Middle Daughter needed to move out of the apartment that she once shared with old Boyfriend, the one that was diagnosed last Thanksgiving as schizophrenic and then later changed to severely bipolar.........the one who is now stalking her. Well as we are pulling into her apartment complex I see him by her apartment with her permission to remove his not working car out of the garage and I don't even wait for Jim to stop the truck, I fly out of it and go after him.........pretty delicate huh??? lol I told him this was his last warning to leave my Kid alone......I reminded him that this does not have to get nasty but Momma will bring nasty if he touches her or bothers her again.....he took off quickly, so did his Mother who I didn't know was standing a few feet behind me....She already knew how I felt about her from our one and only conversation.......she has listened to me and stopped harassing my kid......I told her I'd get real ugly with her too if I had too! Well, anyway..........Earlier Thursday afternoon, the cancer was confirmed with a quick call from McDreamy to the Pathologist.......this coming Wednesday they hope to have the full report and I will learn exactly whatkind of breast cancer I have....(there are a few) and what stage I am at.....right now preliminary reports with nodes unseen....I am Stage II or Stage III. That really won't be confirmed until after the mastectomy. Thursday night was spent in the ER from over doing it helping with the Middle daughters move, the jump from a moving vehicle and I just needed reassurance that was what it was supposed to look like.....A over thumped and squished melon! lol

Friday day was spent at the New Cancer Hospital that I will be visiting a lot.........met with The Oncologist.... Dr. Serious I shall call him, had some blood work, went over most of the pathologist report, was told they are still waiting on the Estrogen receptor, progesterone receptor and the her 2 reports to see if they can kill a majority of the tumors by shutting down the estrogen or progesterone in my body. Also found out I have MANY tumors of various sizes in my left breast.........I call them "party crashers" totally uninvited house (me) guests! lol I also saw McDreamy again and he just wanted to see a visual of the biopsy site for himself since I was a little freaked out about the blood pooling.......he said my was not the best he's seen, but nowhere near the worst either.........Ok, I can live with that! lol I also met the Breast Care Coordinator and was overwhelmed with information........Jim was with me on Friday, he insisted.......I was over ruled and I am glad he was there to catch most of what I missed after I heard the words  Stage II and Stage III........Ok, So I already knew I was going to be in a battle, now I that it's a lil tougher battle and I will have to be even more of the fierce warrior I am, to kicks it's little ass! They also scheduled a CT scan and Bone Scan for next Friday.............the Mastectomy will pre-empt all that testing if I can get it done earlier in the week.....I have the A-TEAM from everyone I have spoken to about my Doctors.......I'm in good hands and I know it! I was also told by the A-Team they really don't think cancer will invademy right breast ever, so they won't be taking that one off........that one will have to wait for the reduction and lift a good 6 months after the mastectomy and chemo has finished......I am gonna be one lop-sided woman! lol And I have no problem with that....it will bring attention to my breasts along with my fashionably 'Hot' bald head to the need for breast cancer awareness......my new journey and role in life!<FONTFACE="COMIC size="4" MS? Sans>

Now why I want to do a majority of this by myself.......I was raised to be a strong minded, strong willed woman....what made that difficult for my Mother was that I took that initiative a little earlier than she wanted me too........like 12 years of age........but because of being damn good at being strong minded and willed I prefer to do some of these things by myself..........I remain calm, and I remain in control of the Cancer and the fear that it causes in most people...........If I were to take my Beloved Husband with me, I probably would fall apart (still haven't done that, it's not my MO anyway, I'll explain more on that in a minute.) If I let my Mother take me.......same situation.....anyone else and I would end up making sure they were ok........so I go by myself......Jim, My Mom and other family and friends will invade the Hospital as it is, when I have my surgery........One big love fest!

Now....my usual MO for any kind of emergency or crisis is....I take charge, I am fierce, I handle it all, I am a rock until it's all over..........so I will have my weak moments from time to time, but I will not "loose" it until it's all over and I am cancer free.......then and only then will I cry me a river.......that's who I am, that's who I'll be!

So what you are seeing is not an act, not a benefit for others, I'm not in denial and I have no fear..........I will laugh my way through this and I will help others deal with my cancer and maybe theirs...........Told ya! I'm one tough Irish Broad! lol lol lol

Saturday night I had a blast at the lake again with my family and my friends......cook outs, cocktails, bonfires, great music and I found myself sitting in the huge circle watching these people that I love, having a good time, catching up on each other's lives and children and thankful that I had one more wonderful memory to look back on when I need too!

Even with cancer.............life is good and I am loved.........and for that I am very blessed!

Oh, so how am I spending my Sunday??  quietly.......Jose Cuervo was a friend of mine last night....so I am avoiding that friend today and taking it easy......maybe some fishing and an afternoon nap with my forever bed buddy.....Jim! ;)

Just another day in Paradise..........Ü

I made a quick trip to the ER last night because if you can believe this or not the breast got even uglier than the picture in the entry below and since I am new too all this (Cancer and surgery) stuff I didn't really know what to expect. I was told the site would be painful, I was told there will be some bruising, but this ended up looking like a blood pocket had filled on the bottom/underside of my breast like a blood vessel was leaking, now id they told me that I would have ended up looking like a lypo patient I would have known exactly what to expect thanks to that TV show 'Extreme Make Over" What ever happened to that show anyway?? lol..... So after I was examined, packed with ice and one again into my ace bandage which is very much like a sports bra and you end up with a uni-booby.......one large boob in the center of your chest LOL! I was sent home.

The pain was no different than the pain I was already experiencing from having a boob filled with large tumors, so even though it looked like it hurt like hell......it only did when "The Girls" bounced and for all the other big breasted women out there they are gonna bounce! lol At least with the ace bandage......they don't go anywhere! lol

So laying in bed last night with my beloved Jim..........I quietly reminded him that our Wedding Anniversary is next Tuesday and I usually go pick out my own gift (Jewelry! Hey what did ya expect I'm a girl ya know! lol) then I give him the receipt, a hug and a kiss as a thank you! So this year I thought I would remind him that is was coming up (By the way he has never forgotten our wedding anniversary or the anniversary of our first date and I didn't even remember that one) so after I reminded him I waited in the dark completely silent and after a minute he said, "I already getting you new boobies! What else could you possibly want???" I laughed so hard I almost piddled on myself.

Now that got me to thinking.......if the new areola's are going to be tattooed on....instead of the 'ordinary, everybody already has ones like these kinda aerola's' do you think that they could make them into 5 point stars with the nipple smack dab in the middle???? Janet Jackson ain't got nothing on me! lol lol lol (insert here the reminder of her Super Bowl Blunder Oh that's right her 'wardrobe malfuntion' HAH!)

I know.........I AM SOOOOO BAD! lol lol lol

Biopsy site (not for the squimish)

If someone would of told me that someday I would be posting a boob shot of myself on the Internet I would of told them to "STEP AWAY FROM THE CRACK PIPE!!!!" But here I am, in the hopes that my journey with my newly diagnosed breast cancer (Yes, the Pathology report confirms it is breast cancer but they were still finishing up the report when my Dr. McDreamy called for a results.) So at this time I still do NOT know what kind of breast cancer I have, but will know for sure when I go see the Oncologist tomorrow at 12:00 p.m.

Dr. McDreamy also wants to see me right after the Oncologist tomorrow do to what my biopsy site looked like when I peeled off my ace bandage. So for those that are squeamish or don't care to see the biopsy site please click the red box on the top right of the journal. A good friend of J-Land has been my inspiration on Breast Cancer awareness by posting shots of herself after her mastectomy We all know and love her as Lahoma aka Mzgoochi  ~~~> MzGoochi's journal link. Like I said, we are here to learn, teach and lean on one another and today I am one of the teachers. PLEASE HAVE YOUR MAMMOGRAMS EVERY YEAR AFTER 40 OR EARLIER IF IT ALREADY RUNS IN YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!

 

What once used to be an incredible TA TA! lol lol lol

kmh 8/06

The darkest roundish thingy is the incision location, notice the indentation on top right of breast is the "Dimple" they refer to as dimpling when giving yourself you own breast examination. What for sign of this please!

In answer to some of your questions Ü

Again many, many thanks for those who are lifting me up right now, every good wish, every prayer spoken in my name makes me think of that Bette Midler song "Wind beneath my Wings" I have always been a high flyer my whole life, but it feels good to be carried during my weak moments........which by the way I still haven't had yet. Your mind has amazing coping abilities and I'm to busy learning all about breast cancer to let it break me down.

Some of my J-Land friends had a few questions or was uncertain of exactly what is taking place right now since the discovery of the first lump. So here goes...........

First and foremost.......I'm not a whiner, or a woe is me kinda person, I am a this happened to me for a reason and right now I believe the reason is because I can handle the disease and the treatment better than anyone else I am close to.......so that is why I haven't or won't do the "Why Me?" thingy. I also think it happened because of me having no fear in sharing my life with no holds barred and keeping it real with my warped sense of humor, I think I could possible inspire others who are going through their own battles with illness.

Second of all there isn't any history of breast cancer in my family, so far only 1 case of lung cancer (terminal Paternal Aunt Dolly LOVED THAT WOMAN! and I am often compared to her by other family members) The second case of cancer in my family was My Paternal Uncle Emmett aka Uncle Bunzo (Another fantastically sarcastic and funny man) To read about his humor even at his own funeral follow this link http://journals.aol.com/demandnlilchit/Ishavedmylegsforthis/entries/2006/01/25/another-telling-lol/1204

I turned 40 in 2003, I had my check up, my always entertaining pelvic exam and my pap smear, breast exam and my first mammogram....everything came back 'unremarkable' That's wonderful in medical lingo, but I would of hated that term if it was ever used to describe myself! lol In 2004 I did the same tests all over again and again I was 'unremarkable' I made my appointment in 2005, but the only thing I did not follow through with was the mammogram.....I had another "female check up" either February or April of this year (I'll find out for sure when I see my GP again soon) and again I had everything done except the mammogram.......I think I am kicking myself in the ass about this right now........but since the breast exam by my GP showed no abnormalities and thought I could put of the mammogram maybe one more year.......wishing I would of done it now......nothing I can do about that now so let's move on shall we?

Mid spring of 2006 is when I first felt some pain in my left breast (they say breast cancer is painless) I beg to differ now. I felt the pain when Jim hugged me tight, it felt like a PMS boob...soar, but not enlarged.....I remember saying a lot to him when cuddling, Watch my boob! When I discussed just all the mood swings, sore breasts, fatigue with my GP, they said sounds like peri menopause to me.....so I didn't pay any more attention to it........I would have days and days where my left breast felt like it was engorged with breast milk (I breast fed all my babies) and when your engorged you in pain, when you are having PMS your boobs become swollen and tender, so I didn't really think anything suspicious.

While in Jamaica, I noticed the large dimple on top left side of my left breast, and I noticed that the right side of my breast was still soft, but the left side was hard with defined borders. I went to the Doctor 4 days after arriving home and she found only one lump (5 o'clock position on the left breast) I couldn't get a mammogram time slot with a ultra sound time slot (right after one another) until almost 2 weeks later, by that time there were two tumors.

So that is how it started and by today I will have the results of my biopsy and that will tell my what kind of breast cancer I have. There are several different types with different treatments and prognosis. So I will know more later today in which to do battle with this disease, but as it stands now, I know for sure I will need a mastectomy and Chemo.......I am not a candidate for just lumpectomy...my tumors are too large and two many......I will find out if I need radiation only after they remove the breast and some lymph nodes, I was able to get into the Oncologist's sooner than August 25, they are seeing me this Friday and I will probably have the mastectomy some time in the next week. So see your prayers are working....In less then one week I was diagnosed, seen by a surgeon, biopsied and now will meet the man who will fight to save my life....Thank you for your good thoughts, your good wishes and your prayers!

I have no fear at this point, I have no reason to cry and I am over being angry now........Now I am ready to do battle and laugh myself healthy again.......my glass has not been knocked over, it's always half full.....probably with tequila but hey it's half full! lol lol lol

I'm Baaaaack! (Biopsy)

I would highly recommend a mammotome biopsy for anyone who needs to have one done! Looks kinda like one of those long lighters that you start fireplaces and grills with....but I was in and out in less than a half and very minimal blood loss and 6 "MOST EXCELLENT" samples taken (3 from each breast) ok, because I am sooooo nosy I wanted to watch the whole thing, the samples looked very similar to wax worm for all my fishing buddies out there. Yellowish/white in color.......He will have the results rushed through and I will know what kind of breast cancer I am dealing with by 1:00 ish tomorrow afternoon.

McDreamy told me to get in touch with my GP then get an appointment with the Oncologist and a plastic surgeon....I will definitely need chemo.......radiation is still iffy because they will not know about the nodes until they remove the breast. (3 nodes effected no radiation, more than 3 I will need radiation too)

Down side to this is the Oncologist can't get me in until August 25th!!!! I told them that McDreamy wanted all this done as soon as possible and they are now talking to Oconcologist's Nurse to see if they can sneak me in sooner.........McDreamy wants this boob gone next week!

Because I will need chemo they can't do the new boob surgery until after my treatments are over....they will be stretching out the skin with a saline solution or even tissue from a mini tummy tuck! BONUS!!!!!! After all treatments are finished they will either redo the healthy right boob or remove it and start all over again on that one.

And because I am nosy, I had to ask what they plan on doing with the areola and the nipple from the old boobs. Do they use them on the new boobs? With cancer nope! The thought of cadaver areolas and nipples is just too much for Jim to deal with and I must say that would kinda freak me out a little bit.....It would feel like Jim is cheating on me or something! lmaoooooo So this is what they do......... They reconstructed a [piece of your own skin into a nipple shape and they tattoo on an areola!!!! Amazing isn't it???

I can just see now, while I am out in polite society when this is all over and done with and I get that, "OH MY GOD, she has her nose pierced!" look and then it's open season from there on out.............Yes, I have my nosed pierced and I have two two (or possible 3) tattoos too?  One is of a shamrock on my ass and the other one is a nipple on my breast (or breasts) Wanna see em?? I can just see all the color drain from their faces now........life is going to bet a lot more interesting around here for me! lol lol lol

I still don't know if it's anywhere else in my body, I won't know that until I meet with the Oncologist and he orders, chest scan, blood work, body imaging scan and a few others....right now I am wrapped in an ace bandage and told I could not go bowling tonight like I do on the league with my girlfriends.........he said you can go cheer them on, but NO BOWLING today.....of course I asked if I could still have a cocktail and he said yes..but NO BOWLING........the irony of all this with my girfriends bowling team is our team name is "DOUBLE D DELIGHTS" now it lookes like we are going to have to change it to 3 DOUBLE D's and a C!" ..................My Bad!

 

XOXOX

Kim

Met my own Dr. McDreamy! lol

Try as I might I can't get the ultra sound shots and the mammogram shots to save to my computer.......if I ever do, I PROMISE to post them.

First of all yes my Surgeon is indeed hot, what I liked about him most was that he stated that I was 'ONLY" 43 and that I was still a baby! Now I think I would of kissed him if he would of dropped the  "Y" off of baby and added an "E" instead! lol  I am going to refer to him as Dr. McDreamy............what can I say I am a HUGE Grey's Anatomy fan!

Well, Dr. McDreamy wasn't satisfied with the radiologist report, so I was quickly moved to a new room in his office and given another Ultra Sound.....I now have 3 tumors.....not 2....I told him that I already know that I have cancer and he said, "Good because I know it's cancer too, but we will be performing a biopsy anyway to confirm it all up and I don't want to wait with you, I want to do it tomorrow afternoon!" I said "My schedule is open, let's do it!" It's not like I'm going to say, "Ummmm, I don't think I can make it, there are having a really good shoe sale tomorrow!" lol So I have to be there at 11:45.....No lotions, no powders and no deodorant..........great! It's gonna be like 99 degrees here and I am going to smell like Pepe Le pew!

Ok, So here is the medical lingo on radiologists report........

Right Breast remains heterogeneously dense with a stable distribution of fibroglandular tissue shadows. No pleomorphic cluster of calcifications.

There has been significant interval change involving the left breast. There is increasing density, diffusely involving the left superolateral breast. There are several areas which appear nodular.

The patient places a left marker superiorly. (Hey Im Good!) There is a subjacent lobulated/nodular mass with spiculation.  There is also some architectural distortion centrally.  Associated pleomorphic cluster of calcifications are not present. This focus us measured at approximately 3x4 cm on the MLO view.

The patient places a second marker more inferiorly (So I'm not perfect! lol) involving the left breast. There is a corresponding mass with ill-defined borders, This is measured at approximately 2x2,5 cm.

Targeted ultrasound was performed of both of these areas. There is a heterogeneous hypochoic mass corresponding to the more superior lesion. Sonographically, this is measured at 3.8 x 1.9 x 3.6 cm.  This is seen at the 2o'clock position, 7 cm from the nipple.

The second more inferior lesion also has a corresponding sonographic abnormality. This is hetergeneous and predominately hypoechoic. The borders are extremely irregular. This is seen in the 3 0'clock position, approximately 5 cm from the nipple.

Sonographically, there is also a suggestion of the two other discrete hypochoic foci. These are seen inferior interposed between the two palpable lesions. One is measured at approx 1.6 x 1.2 x 1.6 and the other is 1.5x2.0x1.5. This may be contiguous or additional satellite foci.

The findings are highly worrisome for multi focal neoplasm involving the left breast.

Impression:
Findings highly suspicious for multi focal neoplasm involving the left breast.
Birds Code 5: Highly suspicious of malignancy, Highly probability of malignancy.

After seeing Dr. McDreamy he said after his ultra sound results were looked at............3 tumors.........2 o'clock, 3 o'clock and 5:30 O'clock. I will need a left breast mastectomy, with reconstruction done right after the removal of the left breast. What they will not do is give me back a new boob in my original "D" "DD" size. Makes it to difficult for future mammogram's........ok then what about my right breast? I can't have a perky C cup on the left then a 43 year old drooping breast on my right, if they don't do a double mastectomy! He said they will do a breast reduction on the right breast, then a lift to make them both symmetric again. This is all I know for now.......lab results within 24 to 48 hours and we will take it from there...so possibly by Friday and I will let you know what happens after that!

I have no idea what all these medical terms mean, but I know it's cancer....I'll look them up later....time to get ready for the mammotome biopsy......their web site is WWW.breastbiopsy.com
newest, most reliable and least invasive! Bonus for me!!!! lol

A game of Chess anyone?? lol

kmh 2006

This is an actual, playable chess board at the resort we stayed at in Jamaica. I had learned to play chess when I was about 12 years old, but the "how to play the game" has totally escaped me some 30 years later. My Son and My Husband would of played this for hours. The little Prince tries everyday to over throw the King.....he wants to out wit, out smart and out play his Father every chance he gets. The 'Grasshopper' has been taught very well by the Master.

I think this would be a good match up for a new spin on "Survivor!" You know how teens think they are sooooo much smarter than their parents.....put them all on an island together and let think see just how smart their parents are, that will teach them! lol

Now I thought this Chess Board was pretty cool, but personally I think it would of been even funner (Yes I know that's is not a real word, but it's my blog and I can make them up as I go along!) if this was the game "Battleship" same object to capture the other opponents pieces and who didn't like hearing....."You sunk my battleship!!!" lol

Well, it's almost time to get ready to meet my "HOT" new Surgeon.....see already another perk with this cancer thingy..A hot doctor gets to feel me up and my DH can't divorce me over it! lol lol lol